The Random Guy on the Bus
Why We Must Let Go of our “Stranger Danger” Mindset
My brain was completely fried. I just finished my last engineering exam of the term on the morning of December 19th, and I was really looking forward to just putting my mind on “Low Power Mode” as I went through the rest of the day.
I had a few hours to pack up all my essentials and then make the trip back home from Waterloo to Ottawa for the winter break. It seemed like all the lack of sleep that accumulated over the last two weeks was about to be made up on the 8-hour ride home.
What is with this Guy?!
It was about 3 pm that day, and I had around 10 mins to wrap up all my packing and walk over to the bus that left at 3:30 pm. If I missed that bus from Waterloo to Toronto, I’d miss the last train of the day from Toronto to Ottawa and wouldn’t be able to get home. So safe to say, I NEEDED to hurry.
I left a couple of minutes late and had to hustle over to the bus stop. This meant running with my luggage that either got stuck every few seconds through the dirt and snow on the sidewalk, or bumped into the back of my shin as I dragged it along the way.
But, I made it (thankfully!), and right after I loaded my luggage, found my empty seat, and had some food, I was ready to knock out. I chose the window seat so I could rest my drooping head against it, using my sweater as cushioning. It was a 1.5-hour bus I was taking, so I set an alarm on my watch for 1 hour, then began fading away into dreamland.
I hadn’t fully fallen asleep yet (I don’t think), but that’s when I heard a voice nearby. “Hey, can I sit here?”
I forcedly opened my eyes to see that despite there being other open spots on the bus, he chose the one right beside me (which I had originally kept as a spot for my backpack). Begrudgingly, in my hoarse, semi-asleep voice, I tell him “Yeah, go ahead.” 😒
I moved my stuff over into my lap, and was about ready to lean back onto the window when he asked “Where are you headed?”
Oh no, it felt like it was about to be one of THOSE conversations. You know the ones I’m talking about. The whole “How are you? Where are you from? What school do you go to? What’s your major?” type.
It’s where you get to know enough about someone to feel like you did your polite due diligence of engaging with them, while also thinking in the back of your head “I honestly don’t care about this.” It’s a conversation I’ve had thousands of times before, and this one seemed to be headed right along that same path. But I couldn’t just bail out of it now though, right?
“What is with this guy?!” I thought to myself as I answered “I’m from Ottawa. I’m heading back home for the winter break. And you?”
From Sleep-Deprived to Self-Actualized
I was fully expecting to just be semi-attentive as he answered, but that’s right when things got interesting.
“B.C. [British Columbia]. I’m heading back home for the break after finishing my co-op term.”
“Oh, and how was that?” I asked naturally.
“Great! I worked in a remote software position and spent the past couple of months traveling across North America.”
😲 Woah, awesome! I sat up in my chair to listen more closely. What began like any other conversation quickly turned into one of the most interesting ones I’ve had in a very long time.
I learned about his life growing up in B.C., his travels across the U.S. and Canada during co-op, and his love for game development. We connected over life as STEM students at the University of Waterloo, sports we both love like badminton and squash, entrepreneurship projects we’ve worked on, and so much more. I even found out that he was a Guinness World Records holder, had his own social media startup, and we had philosophical discussions on the future of A.I. and other technologies.
I’m confident that I felt more energized after that 1 hr of discussion than my 1 hr nap would have been. In university, most of the friendships I built so far have all had one or two things to bond over (ex. sports, STEM, business, personal development, culture, etc). But this was one of the few times that almost all of these traits were matched.
Plus, there was also this sort of “interesting factor” that he had. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. It’s when you can see the passion in their eyes for what they work on (in his case, game development). It’s when they’re curious and ask thought-provoking questions, have fascinating life stories to tell, and are always open to trying new things.
I found out about this last part after hearing all the stories he’s had approaching random people on planes and trains. One was when he met a woman who had been recovering from a brain tumour and was flying solo for the first time in a while, while another was when he sat next to a monk who shared his years of wisdom and knowledge from secluding himself from the modern world.
Just as the bus was pulling into our station and we went our separate ways, we grabbed each other’s number. We know that since we’d both be on campus in the new year, we’d for sure make some time to meet up for squash or join our Socratica club together. And that’s the story of how a “random guy on the bus” (as we call each other now) friendship came to be.
Learning to be Anti-Stranger Danger
As I sit back and think about this journey, one I’ve taken many times before, this one stands out for the unexpected human connection I made along the way. It left me contemplating the impact of engaging with strangers and its serendipitous nature.
It’s fascinating how a simple “Hello, can I sit here?” or “I like your hat” can be the gateway to a deeper conversation. We live in a world where our eyes are often fixed on our screens, where we’re comfortable in our familiar bubbles of the 5–10 people we talk to every day.
But at some point, those friends, classmates, and co-workers were strangers to us as well. Crazy to think about considering how close we might be to them.
It took that first step. Maybe it was a team you were both on years ago. Or a project you worked on together. Maybe you were wearing the same colour shirt or said “Hello” at the park. Just like how my conversation with the “random guy on the bus” went, those same things happened in one way or another with each of your current closest friends too, and look how strong those relationships have become.
By lifting our gaze from what we know and embracing the potential of the current moment of what we don’t know, we open ourselves to the enriching experience of human connection. You don’t always need to live life in “Low Power Mode” through the day-to-day.
As someone who connects well with numbers and math, I’ll put in like this. Sure, the odds of you meeting someone you become friends with at a school club you enjoy or a sports team is way higher than on a random bus, because the people going to that club/team are filtered in some way to have similar interests. Say it’s 1/100 compared to 1/1,000 of meeting someone you truly connect with, so 10x better. While we don’t know the true odds, the key is about having the willingness to roll the dice.
Not every attempt may lead to a profound connection. Learning from that experience on the bus, I made my attempts to talk with others on the train from Toronto to Ottawa, but nothing clicked between us. AND THAT’S OK.
The only guaranteed outcome is if you don’t make any sort of move to connect with others. Beyond that, it’s just a numbers game. And for the ones that do work, those relationships can be incredibly rewarding!
It’s like those girl/boy next door cliches in movies and shows, where sometimes when we’re searching all around for the perfect people to connect with, we don’t see the beauty of what’s in front of us.
Going Beyond Connection
It’s been about a month now since that day (2 weeks since we both got back to UW), and to be honest, I have no clue how this will go moving forward. We’ve talked about setting up times for squash and working on projects, but nothing has been confirmed yet for now.
Maybe this becomes something that will grow into something much bigger, and we’ll have cool stories like this to tell about how it all started. Or maybe it's the lessons of embracing “stranger danger” that I take away most from this. Ideally, it would be both.
Experiences like these encourage us to embrace the unknown, because the world is not as intimidating and scary as many of us grew up being told to believe. Every single person in this world has value to bring into your life.
I carry with me this lesson about the beauty of serendipity and the value of saying yes to the unknown (especially as an introverted and risk-averse person).
As I continue on my path, I carry with me the knowledge that sometimes, the best friendships and the most enlightening conversations are waiting just a seat away. 🪑
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